There aren’t many topics i’d consider myself an expert in, but boys is one.
After all many years ago I was one, (Mrs OMG has at times been known to say I still am one!) I went to an all boys boarding school, (Not a posh private one. A school for emotionally disturbed boys, but that’s another story for another day.) and I have 3 of them!
So here are my top 5 truth’s about older boys.
1. They develope a phobia of water.
Yes it’s true. That delightful little water baby you have now, will suddenly develope an irrational fear of being clean. Where once you had to distract them to pull the plug out of the bath, or wait till they were sleeping so you could have your own bath in peace.Without turning round and finding a naked toddler about to climb in, or worse standing behind you in the shower! Those days are but a distant memory. You will have to take away electronics, cut out pocket money and other threats just to get them to wash themselves.
2. They turn into clumping elephants.
Do your little boys run upstairs. The patter of little feet on each step and across the landing? It’s so cute isn’t it?
Enjoy it! Because soon enough they will turn into baby elephants. Every step will sound like the sequence in Jurassic Park when they hear T-Rex coming. The lightshades will shake with every step.
Doors crash and bang, night time toilet trips sound like a Tsunami or earthquake! God help you if a door has to be opened. I’m sure I hear a sonic boom sometimes when my eldest leaves his room!
3. ATTITUDE!! (No it’s not a mistake, I meant to write in CAPS)
Your sweet little helpful boy will go to bed one night and wake up the following morning with one hell of an attitude problem. Even the simplest of requests will be greeting with grunts, sighs and cries of “I have to do everything!”
Any request to help with chores or household duties is met with a request for payment! Excuse me! Who feeds you? clothes you? Taxis you about? Is that not payment enough?
4. They will turn into vampires.
That lovely routine you have them in now is gone! Wind down time, teeth brushing, bed and story is finished with.
Now there will be whinging “I’m not tired!” ” I can’t sleep!”
The days you wished they’d give you a lie in, in the morning are replaced with dreams they’d drag themselves out of the bed at a reasonable hour. Threats of ice bucket challenges are needed just to get them up for school in the morning.
Yet they can wake up at 4am to watch men in Lycra dance around a ring together. Part of why I hate the WWE!
5. WiFi is the most important thing in the world.
No more will bribes of a chocolate bar or a packet of match attacks be enough to get them cheerfully into the car for a trip anywhere.
Now you get moans and groans. “There’s no WiFi there. It’s boring!”
If there’s no WiFi or access to You Tube then it’s not worth going to. Ironically the only thing that will get them into the car is the threat of turning off the WiFi at home.
I’ve been informed by parents of older boys that it gets even worse before it gets better!
So as I was once told at Alton Towers by the attendent as i was getting on a roller coaster “Hold on tight and enjoy the ride! It’s too late to get off now!”