A Guide To Twoddlers

Something strange is happening right before our eyes. In many households throughout the world. A new type of child is evolving. You might have one in your house and not even know.
They are called Twoddlers. To outside appearances they are Tweens. It is only by careful observation you can tell them apart.


The term Twoddler comes from two words. Tween, a child, normally between 10 and 12. Who is too old to be classed a child but not old enough to be a teenager, and Toddler a young child who has just started walking, and moves in a toddling fashion.

The reason for Twoddler is because they are a Tween in age, but display behavioural characteristics of a Toddler.


They are normally found in bedrooms. Dimly lit with only the electronic light from LCD TV screens, tablets or mobile phones. Sometimes wearing earphones, not out of kindness to other inhabitants of the dwelling. More as a a means to block out all other sounds, particularly calls to meals, homework and other normal family activities.

When not in the bedroom, they can be distinguished by the sulky face, almost hunched over walk, and several paces behind or in front of the family unit. The bedroom holds major significance and at times it can be near impossible to entice them out of it. Trying to gain access for cleaning or other tasks can lead to an outburst of “Its my room, Get out!”


There are no distinguishing physical markers that would tell them apart from a regular Tween. If you came close enough you may get the smell of body odour masked with deodorant, as they are averse to washing and bathing regularly. If you come across the same Twoddler regularly, you would notice that they generally wear the same items of clothing nearly every day.

This is because they are lazy and will just pick up whatever clothing is nearest them. Normally the ones worn yesterday. 


This is where it becomes easier to tell a Tween and Twoddler apart. Tweens, in the main are sociable, enjoy spending time with the family unit and partaking in social activities. Twoddlers however are solitary creatures, except with other Twoddlers or one maybe two other extended family members that let then away with everything. Normally, but not limited to Aunts, Uncles and particularly Grandparents.

They are prone to outbursts, which have no visible or reasonable trigger. At times they can be petulant and rude. In some instances they have been known to disagree or refuse something just to start a row. Giving them an excuse to skulk back into the safety of the bedroom.


There are a few phrases that all Twoddlers will be heard muttering:

  • Its not fair
  • He/she/they get more than me
  • I have to do everything
  • Its boring
  • You prefer them to me
  • I hate you, this is the worst family 

To list a few.


No one knows quite how or why Twoddlers evolved. Studies are being carried out to determine if it is Demographic, the specific habitat or how they are nurtured.

One thing is known, and that is that in most cases they do evolve into normal Teens at some point.

It is advised that if you see one unattended it is best not to approach without either their mother or father there for support, unless you hold a position of authority eg: teacher, garde/policeman etc. When confronted by this type of person if they are in a pack of other Twoddlers, they may become cocky and sarcastic. If alone they will probably be meek and timid.


In the main they are mainly just loud and obnoxious, there have been some reports of objects being thrown and in very rare cases physical attacks.

In all dealings with them you must not back down. Do not show them fear. If they think you are afraid of them you are done for.

I hope this helps you to identify a Twoddler. Do you have one living with you? Do you know a Twoddler? Maybe there are other features I have missed. Please do share. 

Depressed Boy via photopin (license)

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